When the Spark is Gone (Part 1)

Last week another Hollywood marriage bit the dust. “The spark was no longer there,” was the explanation. In their two years of marriage, the husband had suffered a career-ending injury and they’d had a baby.

Yes, unemployed, probably depressed husband + crying baby = spark killer.

A spark, however, was never meant to be the fuel that keeps a marriage going. Don’t get me wrong, I love sparks! Give me heart palpitating, live-for-the-sound-of-his-voice, bliss any day. I’ll never forget the spark that lit my world when my husband wrote his first love letter to me:

“You are the woman I want to take in my arms and kiss and have it mean more than ‘thanks for the dance.’ If you don’t feel that way, that’s fine because your friendship means as much to me as a sister’s. But if you do, then I could have both: a friendship and an adventure.”

Yes ma’am, when I read those words it was my own personal Fourth of July! That rocket launched my last name becoming Crockett. But that kind of bliss doesn’t happen every day, as anyone who has been married for more than 365 days can honestly admit.

In two years (or less), the thrill of the chase and being chased can become two innately selfish people competing to get their insatiable needs met in a fallen world. And perhaps they are blessed with the birth of more innately selfish people. Please forgive that Debby Downer description! But, what are we to do during those sparkless seasons when his phone calls asking, “What are you wearing?” turn into “Did you pick up my dry cleaning?”

By their very nature, sparks get things going but don’t keep things going. A spark ignites a fire, but it’s the wood that keeps it burning. A spark plug starts our cars, but it’s gasoline that keeps them running. Are we expecting a spark to do in our marriages what it was never designed to do? Something sparked our relationships, but what is the marital fuel that keeps us loving “til death do us part?”

I’ll be back next week with more thoughts on this cliffhanger question. Until then, I invite you to ponder what fuels your marriage? Check your relational gauge and if you could use a refill, check out one of the Hidden Heart classes starting near you. Let’s not give up or just sputter across the finish line. God wants us to have an overflowing supply of joy for our marital journey. Let’s seek Him to “fill-‘er-up!”

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds…”  Hebrews 10:24