My Unsettled Heart… Surrendered.
Father, today I am examining my heart before you. It is due time for me to take inventory and give you all the areas of my heart that I withhold from you. The portions of my heart void of the Holy Spirit. So many scriptures come to mind and I know without a doubt that it is only your Word that changes me.
“All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the Lord”
Proverbs 16:2
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2
I pray that I see myself as You see me. My flaws and imperfections in my weakness, covered by the blood of Jesus in mercy and grace. I’m not asking for a pass, but a challenge to grow deeper in the Spirit and take root of Your promise. I pray that in Christ I may stand in complete confidence in Justification, Sanctification, and Glorification. (Romans 8:38) It is in my discomfort, part of my sanctification process, that I am most challenged. Father, I know that it is in your testing and stretching of my faith that you get to my heart issue. (Deuteronomy 8:2) Help me to welcome the process.
My greatest challenge today is to get to the root of my failing strength and trust. I know it is the lifting of my guard against temptation, the removal of your full armor. (Ephesians 6:11-18) My mind has allowed despair and discouragement to move in and push out your Hope that never disappoints!
The condition of our world today saddens me to near tears. To be a witness to the brutality and breakdown of humanity as seen through the media and the divisive talk shared amongst peers stirs me in ways that are not healthy nor Christlike. I feel myself passing judgement and wanting vengeance, rather than looking to you first Father. I can’t even pray as you have taught me to pray, to love my enemies. (Matthew 5:44)
I am first to love as You love, and I fail. I am called to pray for the enemy, and I fail. I take the side of Satan rather than reaching for the hand of Jesus to remind me of your goodness and sovereignty. Seeing the world through Satan’s eyes, I am drawn into the darkness; his pathway to pleasure and despair. I am full of sorrow and regret and without the peace of Christ. In this moment evil wins.
Lovingly, Jesus calls me into repentance and to check my heart. (Mark 1:15) But how often does my heart deceive? Is my repentance genuine? These are the questions I ask myself but because I have given my heart to you God, I just stand in grace through faith that You know me fully. Otherwise, I’d go crazy and stay stuck!
To move forward out of sin and darkness and back into your light God, I only need to be reminded of the Good News. But God….. there is Hope! In Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection I have been given a new heart and spirit. One which enables me to be tenderly connected and responsive to Your heart.(Ezekiel 36:26) As Satan would love for me to follow him and get into the evil weeds of this fallen world, not showing love and not taking time to pray, I say “No!”
I can put on your full armor God. I can pray and love the unlovable. I can bring fragrance into today’s testy conversations. And I do not have to judge, because it is only YOU who brings judgement. (Hebrews 10:30)
Thank you, Holy Spirit, for seeing within me a slow slip into spiritual erosion. By redirecting me to God’s Word I do not need to take up any real estate in Satan’s camp which causes us to lose strength. I trust that Jesus holds the victory over our fallen world. That God holds me in His hand daily. That He has prepared me for such a time as this and is equipping me and strengthening me to do what He has called me to do.(Hebrews 13:21) I am to live in this world; but remember, I am no longer of this world. This is a tough call Father, for the tension between the two worlds is fierce. Thankfully, You have provided wonderful help for me to live in a way that pleases You and not the culture.
I encourage anyone who is experiencing spiritual erosion today like I did to seek the ONE who can help and redirect. Sit with the Holy Spirit and take a moment to do a heart check. Choose the light over the darkness of today and remember the love and sovereignty of God. Keep looking forward and live in faith, knowing this is not our forever home!
“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1
– Julie Jostrand
Wow, what an amazing piece of gifted writing. God truly does call us back to His heart, and back to His Kingdom. We pray what Julie has written impacts your life, and richly blesses you today!
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